What you see is what you getA blog for Baby Boomers

Today?s thoughts are back to the day about ten years ago when a female co-worker looked over her cubicle at me and said: ?You realize you?re very lucky, don?t you?? ?To set the stage, she was one of those co-workers you?d rather forget each and every day at 5:00 because she was not a genuinely nice person. In that case, she was talking about the fact that four years earlier I had married my best friend. Her one bad marriage many years prior had left her without companion or child. My response to her ?lucky? statement was I was more fortunate to have my best friend and he is just as fortunate to have me as his best friend. I think every job has one of those co-workers who are willing to work overtime just to be annoying or mean.

Fast forward to now when two of my closest friends, one white and one black, have both tried dating sites within the past two years. These two live on opposite ends of the country and they have never met each other. They are totally different personalities with totally different life experiences. However, their dating site experiences are nearly identical. One?believes online dating sites are no more than human vending machines. My other friend?agrees. I am obviously the megaphone that relates information from one to the other.?

Both women have experienced lots of ?winks?, email exchanges, phones calls and some dates with the online ?matches?. Some of the winks, emails and phone calls never turned into dates because the men decided to back out before a date took place. Friend number one believes these guys just want to see what they can get out of the human vending machine, but they may never have?had intentions of actually meeting in person. Friend number two agrees. Both women have also experienced overbearing, needy men who never stop calling after the first date, even though the women may have told?them they are not interested in pursuing a relationship any further. Friend number one is curious about why men of another nationality never send her winks. Friend number two is curious about the fact that only men of another nationality send her winks. Friend number one is interested in meeting men of another culture. Friend number two wants to stay within her culture.

Recently I listened to a man who may have the answer.?He says the secret to finding a companion?may?be in what you reveal.?One of the newest daytime talk show hosts, Steve Harvey?is the guy I?m talking about. www.steveharveytv.com? Steve?has?written two books on the subject of relationships. His tips are not rocket science, but they may be things some women forget when?blinded by the ?He may be the one syndrome?. Harvey?s latest book and movie,?Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man? validated what most of us already know. In?one particular show, he was talking to a woman who had outrageous demands in terms of what she wants in a man. Another show was with a?woman who posted an online photo?showing?extreme cleavage.

Some of Steve?s tips:

1)????? Make sure your online photo reflects how you really look. Don?t wear extreme cleavage, different color hair and definitely post a photo of yourself ALONE?.not with anyone else.

2)????? Don?t publish a bunch of ?do not wants? on your profile. Instead, explain or check off what you ?do? want, what you ?like? and where you want to go in life.

3)????? Don?t give out your real phone number. In fact, purchase a throw-away phone for use with any online introductions. Create a new and generic email address for dating site communication and never give out your address.

4)????? Don?t be willing to meet too soon. Spend an extraordinary amount of time communicating with the person online and asking him key questions. Those key questions include:

?????? a.?What are your short and long term goals?

?????? b. Why are you registered on a dating site?

?????? c.?What do you think of me so far? (This question comes after you have met)

According to Harvey, women hold the keys. Men of all ages see a woman?s physical features first. It is up to the woman to turn that kind of attraction into something substantial and lasting. He says that will never be done if you act desperate, act like a gold digger, move too fast, eat or drink too much, talk too much, look too sexy (or think you do) and make too many demands. He says most men, especially in the ?our time? age group, are looking for companionship, serenity and laughter.

It also comes to mind that the character, Christian from ?50 Shades of Gray? is not necessarily fake. In fact, guys like that do exist, but is that really what you want to deal with for the rest of your life? Aside from the whips, chains, handcuffs and oils, can you handle the control, domineering, bossy, jealous, overbearing, paranoid part that comes with the other part?

A real life example of a desperate woman who thinks life is passing her by, so she makes hasty decisions:

A 45 year old woman just married for the third time. Even though her credit was sub-standard, he insisted she quit her job, sell her house, marry him?and move?to another state. She did that. Now she lives in a house that does not bear her name, she has no property in her name, no freedom to work outside the home and she still has bad credit. Whoopi!!! Good luck. She probably thought he was Christian. Sounds like?her hot flashes are comin? around the corner or looking through the window already.?

?by Dianne Thompson Stanciel ? comments welcome at highheelshotflashes@gmail.com ?

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Source: http://www.highheelshotflashes.com/2012/09/what-you-see-is-what-you-get/

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